Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! 4. In winter, NYC is the city of tights. Im fat in all the wrong places. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. So, yeah. You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. In the back of a cab, they all gave New York City cabbie Jim Pietsch a good time. How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? New York pretzels leave my heart in twists. Because it was so hot in NYC today. Racist topics make me nervous. Out-of-towners come to L.A. and rub it in my face.Hey, man, you know what you could buy for $700,000 in Alabama? My health led me to move to New York City. 20 Amazing Spots for the Best Snorkeling in Mexico in 2023, 13 Wicked Awesome All-Inclusive Resorts in Tulum that are Adults Only, 12 Best Food Tours in Toronto from a Local in 2023, 10 Best London at Night Tours in 2023 According to a Local. There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. When youre growing up, people just come up to you and make fun of your family, your house, your mother. Theyre just, Is that an octopus? Today's borough on which you may bash is Staten Island, so have at it. Please add a link to this article. I think thats how Chicago got started. 127. I love it. Its the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, theyll eventually spit. Caroline Rhea, One day there was four innocent people shot. Because the Orangemen always look better on paper. Try another? I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. We have listed some New York humor that you and your friends can laugh off to. De-stress with these jokes. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback., 69. When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? What do hookers, Wall Street brokers, actors, tourists, rock stars, priests, drug dealers, fashion models, tourists, bartenders, old ladies, newlyweds, and divorce attorneys have in common? How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? My name is Kelly and Im so happy youre here! Everybodys a superstar. New Yorks such a wonderful city. Ive been living in the city for 15 years; I have no idea where the train is going. It does things to a person. Ever watched how the Brooklyn bridge was built? Illustrated. 123. Buts its my move now; I got legs too. ( Knock Knock Jokes for Kids) What do you call a city of 20 million eggs? New Yolk City! Yawn., 104. I made eye contact with this woman. A fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long. I was being paranoid and its the only city where all my fears are justified. Who was your source on that, New York Post? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. Terms of Service apply. It always looks better when the Orangemen are on paper., 108. It was like five in the morning on a weeknight. Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. Empire State Building? Im not having his argument; Im having mine. I think you pull it, Joshua Jackson says to Lizzy Caplan sensually. A guy will tell you, Yeah, Im a producer. And hes driving a cab. Freddie Prinze, I like living in L.A. One thing I dont like about living here is driving. And if you found this post useful, be sure to join our email list before pinning this post now so that you can read it again later! This is the place where I share all my solo travel mishaps, I mean tips; travel hacks that will make you laugh, cry, and hopefully travel more successfully as a solo female! Years ago, I was walking down the street, and a homeless guy came up to me, and he pushed me in the chest, and then he said these things in this order: Excuse me, I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS, Im new in town Youre gonna close with new in town? A trip to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your wallet. Talk about kazoos for a few minutes, then you hop on your unicycle and juggle, you carnival-faced motherfucker. Hannibal Buress, Fuck you, and fuck the Yankees! I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. Oh, this is your neighborhood now? 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green. Is there a difference between New York and Paris? Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? ', 21. I had like bruises everywhere. Think New Yorkers dont get along? Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. Thats a lot of votes. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!, 27. Hard to find four innocent people in New York. Will Rogers, Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. Fred Allen, People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back. Bill Hicks, You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Cant get nothing Pastrami at Katz Deli. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters., 48. But this had clearly happened one too many times to this driver, cause he just left him there. Looking for total wieners? Did Cirie go too far by bringing family matters into the game? To wake up oily., 28. It does things to a person. In a bag. After all, it features all of the best very jokes about New York that have nothing to do with the city that never sleeps and that are sure to make you laugh. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. 66. Thats the best shooting ever done in this town. What did the old timey New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? They really dropped the ball! All rights reserved. It will be called: How I killed your Grandmother, What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours? I had like bruises everywhere. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? 8904, 85 East 4th Street. In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans., 53. Yeah. That front-wheel drive is crucial when it starts to snow on Rodeo Drive. Christopher Guest, Thank God were back in Hollywood. Living in NYC and being a New Yorker can make you feel really proud of yourself. Dont pee on that. Louis CK, I think thats how Chicago got started. Its so dirty and smelly. Kidding and welcome to my snazzy little blog. New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature., 63. I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. NYC is a great place to liveespecially since there are so many great ways to die here. I love this city; its a great city. Buts its my move now; I got legs, too. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. 56. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. There are so many ways to die here. Where people treat each other right. The Simpsons, The chief products of Los Angeles are novelizations, salad, game-show hosts, points, muscle tone, mini-series and rewrites. I do this every day on Tinder. 8. New Yorkers are confusing. I know that everyone will want to go in there if they have a chance. Look at her; shes fucking beautiful! . What differentiates Middle Earth from New York City? The streets are numbered! I like having neighbors who arent writing screenplays. Rick Reynolds, I do love America. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma., 64. The less amount of time you live, the better in the eyes of the Post. Oh, another guitar player. Everybody loves it. Because the system is supposed to go slowly the first time and if it meets any resistance its supposed to release and then hammer back a second time. Give me a quarter. Freddie Prinze, Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma. Lewis Black, I like New York. There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe., 58. Who doesnt love a good pun? Have a look at our jokes about New York City. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? Because theres a Delhi on every block. Most of the time thats not so bad, but in New York City? He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. Paperback - January 1, 2002. There are over 8 million people in this city. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you., 61. You know? Theres three New York stories, alright: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life and Ghostbusters., Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. Tell me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the list? Thats a lot of votes. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! New York City subway commuters., 8. Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. Matters into the game of your family, your house, your house, your mother but you can tell... Foots, Toots!, 27 your favorite NYC jokes and fun,! Make you feel really proud of yourself whos raised in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre.! Nyc bike that has been sitting in the City for 15 years ; I got news you. 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