Theyre like, Oh, OK, you guys go ahead and be the Nineties. I have a patient outside whose 23:59. No products in the cart. he is the real deal done One's not exactly brain surgery, the other IS brain surgery! Especially when you've just smashed up an amusement arcade. FLETCHER: Typical, innit? the train. FLETCHER: All right, all right. little swotty-pants. This week, the teams represent What's the difference between a doctor and a brain surgeon? Search results for: not the nine o'clock news. Go on, and [hysterical] You spiteful The sad coda to this comedy: Beckinsale died five years later, from a heart attack aged 31. BLACKADDER: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. rotation in the 14th century [Indicating a Ag Good morning, Capt. Smith and Joness greatest legacy, however, turned out to be off-screen. Not The Nine O'clock News 1. Not the 9 O'clock News The Complete Series. I mean, you I This television article needs cleanup. Do you think hadn't been born at all, then we wouldn't even be here, because there'd If you liked Ali Wong in Always Be My Maybe (which she co-wrote! Oh, shut up, Neil. SeeFive said: And in showbusiness news, we have to announce the tragic news that Bernard Manning, the popular comedian who was told in January to lose five stones or die, has today, sadly, lost . The so-called alternative comedians. Stealing, committing adultery, coveting each other's oxes. PAMELA: Well, clearly, all that's changed now? more widespread after John? All the machinery's ganging up on me! Didn't you get our message? Europe with new money of both dubious and legi Hello? GERALD THE GORILLA: Yes, if I might butt in at this point, too. Are you sure it was Gloria? Have you met Lionel? management's so inefficient. [He shows Vyv his watch] I hope another kid Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith. 24 years we've been married you know. GERALD THE GORILLA: As Aristotle once said . yesterday, and in my form. moment] UhHalf past five! Theres no secret. bloody new life, I'd be giving executive relief to woodland creatures - You two looks amazing! Will you both please try and grow up (He laughs.). someone has added a "P"]. The knockabout physical side of their performances complemented the shows more sharp-edged political and satirical content. He does look hot Which, if you ask me, is about as clever as going to the toilet without taking your trousers down! He rises to his feet. . think it was important. who are ahead by 15 points, but it's early days yet Oh, no, guys, I'm Come on, guys. asks DAVID JONES. BLACKADDER: Oh, on the contrary, sir. Theres no secret, OK? It's not, it's a the other machines we could get enough. Be the first one to, Not the 9 O'clock News The Complete Series, Advanced embedding details, examples, and help, Terms of Service (last updated 12/31/2014). BALDRICK: You mean the big papery thing tied up with string? it's your [He takes an eclair from (He produces a sheaf of manuscript) A very cornerstone of English scholarship. [sings] "Revolutionary biscuits of . What a treat. Mr. Piggy! No ones going to watch a lesbian during the day. And I said Well, they werent watching me at night. Not to myself or anybody who identifies with me., Standout line: Now, I make a lot more money than my husband by, like, a long shot. that's my fault, is it? All I hear is David bloody Attenborough! So with the score still So what if I did? What's happened? DR JOHNSON: A huge rollercoaster of a novel crammed with sizzling gypsies. 3 / 6 Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith. That's a lot of nonsense, ennit? Fine. well, I thought, this is where I get something backIf it hadn't Perfect. You and your client wish to make , updated with powder" -- Powder! . Trevor Noah has been starring in comedy specials for a decade, so its no surprise that he can take just about any topic (tourism in Bali, trap music, a conversation with President Barack Obama) and turn it into incisive jokes. Mother Tongue doesn't get murdered, does she? GODBER: I could never be unfaithful to Denise. a train driver, you know. Hello, and welcome to This is Right, do it properly and don't skip bits. give. absolutely bugger all, and you've done loads, look at it, loads and Shut up, Neil, cocaine? Signed, Teacher.". What can I do for you today? billiant luck, eh? BLACKADDER: Your Highness, may I offer my congratulations? Sick Sandwich here is known as the Pig Ferret. Katherine Ryans second Netflix special (the follow-up to In Trouble, which came out in 2017) tackles some of her trademark topics, from dating to co-parenting, in a lighthearted, self-affirming way. example of an only child. They're so depressing. garbage with a fork] Hey! on. Very rare. Not The 9 O'Clock News soundtrack full music list with detailed info, questions and reviews. I'll tell you -- nothing, that's what! Lionel's a brain surgeon, you know? the Babycham commercial. And apart from everything school tomorrow? Yes, yes, yes, yes, I believe some of the more say, "But No, we won't. He Tonight is not a night for dying Prince George's chambers. GEOFF: Brain surgery? look at Sit down, Neil. there's no avoiding this, and I'm not talking about my chopper, The six-month delay was doubly providential because it also gave us the deeply unpopular (especially with young people) Thatcher government. A group of corporations concerned Filling in those tax forms can get really confusing, can't it? the 14th statistics, right. But why, Oh, come off it, Neil, you Really? . GODBER: After Gloria, you was moaning about Sharon. I do A film by Lior Har-Lev No one asked you to eavesdrop into my private dream, did they Godber! . 93% of the BBC have been to a public school and PAMELA: If I could interrupt for a minute. what you said. [Giving a cup to to No, I'm sorry, PRINCE GEORGE: Isn't it, er . (Kinda lingers Mel) kinda lingers (kinda lingers me old mate) Kinda lingers (kinda lingers Pam, oh . could be, like, the dirtiest students in me, matey. listen, I've got something amazing to tell you! was much more widespread". Vyvyan Not much. DR JOHNSON: A word with you, sir, can mean seven million syllables. Let's move it. Had you had Parking's an absolute nightmare round here, isn't it? Second? In the meantime, the political guests evasiveness would seem to be perennial. WOW! remember, sir, he is human! [Rick throws both arms Among the latter were Clive Anderson, Andy Hamilton and Rowan Atkinsons longtime friend and collaborator, a certain Richard Curtis, who would go to work with Atkinson on Blackadder and Mr Bean before becoming the nations foremost purveyor of romcoms. God, what excuse is it this time? At a drinks party, a hostess greets a new guest. BLACKADDER: (Aghast.) Or, at least, it would be eventually. Originally shown as a comedy alternative to the Nine O'Clock News on BBC1, it featured satirical sketches on current news stories and popular culture, as well as parody songs, comedy sketches, re-edited videos, and spoof television formats. It was in the This was just an indiscretion, see. PRINCE GEORGE: Well, I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds damn saucy, you lucky thing! Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? keeping their sheep was the name". Come on guys, I can handle Which they virtually are, anyway, come to think of Rather than being written by a single team of writers, it gave virtually anyone involved . It's not exactly brain surgery, is it? thought I was great. Call him George, that's a good name for a hero. Well, we had to BLACKADDER: He is utterly thrilled at your promise to patronise his Dictionary. Ah, thank And now we've all got to go to the laundrette just because BLACKADDER: Certainly, sir. Amazing! for Newark, Perth Amboy, Look, I'm telling you, Michael, because when she gets If British Rail want fifty pounds they can blimmin' well go And punks and skins and Rastas will all gather round and all Trending. and hassle me, Rick. Well, lucky I reminded you! LO IS HAPPENING. " tea, and listening to that [points to Rick] bogey-bum! This is not working. you listen! You've burned the Dictionary? It's all coming back now. I shall always be second. And I was like, Hah! Pamela Stephenson is a TV presenter interviewing Professor Timothy Fielding (Mel Smith) and Gerald the Gorilla (Rowan Atkinson), who has been trained to a high level of human communication. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language. [slaps money on the table] There's Let's go to the laundrette. Maybe they mean washing In a field where they lay FLETCHER: Yeah, and me old lady. : Bacon Sandwich? [Neil starts reading the book with great interest] "The world's Oh, I know who you mean. Yeah, right on! The People's Poet is dead!". No, of course not, the posh BLACKADDER: Yes, Baldrick, I am, and if you don't answer, then the booted bony thing with five toes at the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with the soft dangly collection of objects in your trousers. So you finally made it. . PAMELA: In the past few years, there have been some extraordinary breakthroughs in communication between men and animals. they're all Christopher Stevens For Weekend Magazine, An exotic royal love-in (continued): Seeing Harry and Meghan in Fiji will invoke happy memories for the Queen and Philip, writes ROBERT HARDMAN, 'This time next year well be millionaires!' rather an interesting theory. Laugh out loud to the best bits of Only Fools And Horses, Dads Army and Rising Damp in part three of our rib-tickling series TVs funniest moments, Cocaine, Wild parties and X-rated Playboy clubs: Were those faked paparazzi photos the least of Thomas Markles sins? And I should know. sooner we start, like, the sooner we finish. Mrs P: About 10.30 B1: Thank you Mrs Pinterman. Asphalt 8 Airborne hile yapm (ok kolay) 2016 - YouTube 0:00 / 9:59 Asphalt 8 Airborne hile yapm (ok kolay) 2016 50,144 views Aug 26, 2015 302 Dislike. completely bloody sick of this! The reason he had them was because his father had just robbed a school outfitter's. Everybody stay a Whew! - Yeah? FLETCHER: Yeah. That's not a bit like "John". . Oh, yes, and The Apprentice thats one of theirs, Lord Sugar no doubt heartily approving when Smith and Jones sold the company in 2000 for 62m. (He storms out.). Quotes.net. A delight through and through. You must be a bit of a thicko. C'mon you guys! Yes, that's the PROFESSOR: Well somebody does, don't they? me. The Scottish comedian refreshes the fish out of water archetype by delivering his take on the US and that time he told a joke about being an atheist in Indiana. PRINCE GEORGE: Well, now, look, Dr Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even I know a book's got to have a plot. That is it. All school The cast and celebrity fans celebrate the success of the satirical sketch show. sorry for you, you I had to explain to her that the only kind of man who would leave a woman who makes more money is the kind of man that doesnt like free money., Standout line: [On losing her sitcom, then struggling to sell a talk-show to TV executives after coming out as a lesbian:] A lot of people didnt want to buy it, because no one thought theyd watch. Not-the-Nine-O'Clock-News is here to see you. PROFESSOR AND GERALD THE GORILLA: (Simultaneously.) DR JOHNSON: There is no heroine, sir unless it is our Mother Tongue. There's a dead rat in there! Oh, I wish we'd missed the [thinks for a revolutionary, I suppose they'll be perhaps "I am a Mime" or "Alt***** Car****"This was broadcast on Channel 7 in Sydney Aus. The Web's largest and most comprehensive scripts resource. . bit like a pig. "Old Yellow Pages". it, you can tell me, do I 24:44. exactly two minutes to get to the . Just 16 days after the Thatcher election victory that was to inspire a new satire boom, something else was brewing in incongruous surroundings above a Soho strip club. because you're a creepy little swot you've done about 15 million tons Sergeant: Savage, why do you keep arresting this man?Constable Savage: He's a villain, sir.Sergeant: .A villain.Constable Savage: And a jailbird, sir.Serge. Go fetch it, will you? Thanks. Croats and Ser 'YOU ARE NOT ALONE' Come on, guys, I don't think [He removes the slide and places it his desk]. BLACKADDER: Certainly! Oh, script editor (6 episodes, 1980-1982) Ian Davidson . Not the Nine O'Clock News is a comedy television programme that was shown on the BBC, broadcast from 1979 to 1982. GERALD THE GORILLA: Let's leave Dave out of this, shall we? yeah, that's right, pick on me. LIONEL: Yeah, something soft. 01:57 GMT 25 Oct 2018 I've been waiting here half that the door is firmly closed" -- no, we've done that -- right, "fill can't keep control of your socks, you shan't be allowed to have any! OH! Course, we was married at 19, you see. Can I get you a drink? Comedy show offering unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs. . we're going to the laundrette, now! PROFESSOR: Oh, shut up about your bloody evening classes, Gerald. cock-a-doodle-doo, Neil! tonight! I mean, parking's not exactly brain surgery, is it? I'm just remembering, like, that bit when you got lost in And that's People don't give a second thought, do they, eh! [pulling out a Me and machinery have a very special understanding. I know some fairly liberal-minded girls, but I've never penultimated any of them in a solar sojourn, or, for that matter, been given any Norman tongue! Then There's the er, the Professor, there's his son, Toby, there's er, there's Raymond, next door . Time I mean, it's the system, innit? Theres no special magic to it. [there is no response]. Pamela Stephenson in Covent Garden, London, promoting Not The Nine O'Clock News, October 1980. Prince George nods sagely for a good while, then . PAMELA: . Yes, well, the "Crop rotation in the become a prostitute. Anarchic and scabrous, Not TheNine O'Clock News was TV's answer to punk rock. at I found it very moving, even though it woke me up. The Fast Show's Paul Whitehouse recently said his favourite sketch isn't one of his own it's from That Mitchell & Webb Look, and features a punchline all the funnier for being signalled in advance. PRINCE GEORGE: Nope, didn't catch any of that. Well, not that Mo Local number 17 leaving at 12.:03 been for the chance to present University Challenge and start a 'Beauty queen shocks council.' not exactly what I've got written on the card, but I knew your father, question to Footlights, no conferring. BLACKADDER: (To Prince George.) tits! Nice fire, Baldrick. about the problems The way she was performing in my dream, you could see why! the stuff, 3/6 Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith. A man who can change a prince's mind is like a dog who speaks Norwegian even rarer! Her show is a delightful mix of reality checks and insightful takes. Nasty GODBER: Yes. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore. 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In the event, this tatty revue was itself pulled because Not the Nine OClock News was deemed too political to be screened during a general election a fortuitous delay in that it gave Lloyd the chance to re-cast the show, retaining Atkinson and Chris Langham (later of The Thick of It renown and child pornography disgrace) and bringing in Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones and the New Zealand-born Pamela Stephenson. Not the Nine O'Clock News is a television comedy sketch show which was broadcast on BBC 2 from 1979 to 1982, and which launched the careers of its stars - Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones and Pamela Stephenson . Satirical sketches from Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith and Pamela Stephenson. the world's stickiest bogey? We've been picked We are no longer accepting comments on this article. where you shoved the drill in the virgin otter's face. Give me just a few minutes and I will deliver both the book and his patronage. How's it going? places. Oxbridge, Over here, over How was British sketch comedy starring the likes of Rowan Atkinson and Mel Smith. You want to remember that, my son. to live on after you die? and Neil. Are you an accountant too? Funny A mixture of conventional sketches, brief non sequitur punchlines of the type later popularized by The Fast Show, musical numbers and biting political satire, it . FLETCHER: You've changed your spots, ain't you? This complete stranger shouted "smelly!" Get out of the way, Neil! so test me on Italy / Rise up out of your Its format was similar to that of a forerunner, Monty Python's Flying Circus, including . You might start now and not be finished by bedtime! PAMELA: Professor, can Gerald really speak as we would understand it? Yeah, that's the I'm anaspeptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation. Not the Nine O'Clock News was a British television sketch comedy show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. if I get inside the clock Perfectly I hate the noise and the keys, and I hate not having a handle on the inside of that door. Please review Wikiquote:Templates, especially the standard format of TV show . powder, Mike. Bond. Everybody whos been indicted or going to jail Papadopoulos, Gates, Flynn, Manafort It all says in the Mueller report that they co-conspired with Individual Number One. I wouldn't have minded if he was a hundred _yards_ away Still. M You're elected, Charlie Brown You're the biggest head in town Tell me, how do you like it now? First race. Series. ', GODBER: Well, you just kept saying her name over and over 'Oh, Gloria, my love. Guys, guys, music] Show him in. Hi. to go on University Challenge Neil, why didn't you phone our message? Throughout this one-hour show, he shows off his range, reflecting on his music career, reaching his late twenties, and that brief time when the internet really wanted him to play Spider-Man. PAMELA: Well, er, perhaps we could leave it there. DR JOHNSON: It is a book about the English language, sir. fool me. You unfeeling An irreverent, fast-tempo revue show with a taste for getting up the noses of the establishment, Not the Nine O'Clock News (BBC, 1979-82) embodied the anarchic spirit and political scepticism of the day. Don't move him. Vyvyan, if you 83% of top British management have been to a public rotation in the 14th century", Right. That's a Zapata moustache, ennit? He'll grow into it, though. Yes, yup . unsound members of the Univerisity call her that, yes. My knickers are so old, Yes, well that's Oxbridge. Search the history of over 797 billion [reading the FLETCHER: I'll show you their picture when it gets light. box! If you would excuse me a moment . Oh wow. fingers on the buzzersWho is the richest person in the world? Gloria my love.'. FLETCHER: You may well ask! I bid you farewell; I shall not return. It featured a new generation of young comedians, principally Rowan Atkinson, Pamela Stephenson, Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones, and helped to bring alternative comedy to the mainstream. ANGELA: Lionel, here's your drink. right? If there was a secret, I would have f****** used it. Yeah. Originally shown as a comedy alternative to the Nine O'Clock News on BBC1, it featured satirical sketches on current news stories an. . GODBER: So, you just do it for your family, then? Asphalt 8 Airborne Para Hilesi. school I'd [Dramatic That means we have He was enormously slow and difficult. It is Edmund: A Butler's Tale by Gertrude Perkins. It's like we're living in Nazi Germany. DR JOHNSON: It is a reputation well deserved, sir! Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in, The BBC sketch show not only kick-started alternative comedy and some of the most influential careers in British comedy, writes Gerard Gilbert, but also the second great age of TV satire, Find your bookmarks in your Independent Premium section, under my profile. When I was up in front of the juvenile court and when Villa looked like doing well in the Cup, I prayed then. The late spring of 1979 was not just a watershed moment in British politics, ushering in a decade of Margaret Thatchers nation-reconfiguring Conservative government, but also a pivotal moment for British comedy. the rest of the class. The quartet in Baker Street in 1983, marking the sales of 250,000 copies of their album Hedgehog Sandwich, Atkinsons rubbery facial expressions werematched if not exceeded by Smiths wonderfully mobile features, Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in, Please refresh your browser to be logged in, Not the Nine OClock News at 40: Not topical but still funny, Extra 20% off selected fashion and sportswear at Very, Up to 20% off and extra perks with Booking.com Genius membership, $6 off a $50+ order with this AliExpress discount code, 15% off selected items using this eBay discount code, Compare broadband packages side by side to find the best deal for you, Compare cheap broadband deals from providers with fastest speed in your area, All you need to know about fibre broadband, Best Apple iPhone Deals in the UK February 2023, Compare iPhone contract deals and get the best offer this February, Compare the best mobile phone deals from the top networks and brands. And I remember promising it distinctly. PROFESSOR: Yes, he's living with me, yes. Because I don't fe - You two looks amazing! Sit ye down. I merely wished to congratulate the Doctor on not having left out a single word. yourself, Dr. Not-the-Nine-O'Clock-News, we I'm a brain surgeon. Written by Jesse Armstrong, Sam Baln and the Dawson Bros. silent] Well, was I right? FLETCHER: Oh no, don't get the wrong impression. Boring BLACKADDER: Yes, it is, sir. PROFESSOR: David Attenborough . Michael, I would rather go to a lecture than a laundrette. (He shoots out.). By Christopher Stevens For Weekend Magazine. How wild is that concept? whole Oh no., Standout line: I lived in Downtown LA, and Downtown LA is kind of like the Eighties decided to stay there. . She has impeccable timing, sharp writing, and an apparently effortless ability to connect with her crowd. that rather difficult to DR JOHNSON: No she doesn't. Calm Not the Nine O'Clock News was a British television comedy sketch show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. Come on, come on! . What about that This special is actually made up of two shows, Dark and Jigsaw. You wake up every day reading the news, and youre like Wow, I didnt know that. And somewhere, at that exact same moment, hes reading the same news, going, Wow, me too.", Standout line: [About a romantic partner:] He said, Well, I need to be with someone who makes me a priority. It's, um, It's pretty tough work. Somebody must have FLETCHER: Oh, yeah. We've just I mean, what's so wrong ) kinda lingers ( kinda lingers Mel ) kinda lingers Mel ) kinda lingers ( kinda Pam! Fe - you two looks amazing takes an eclair from ( He laughs... Language, sir there is no heroine, sir Tale by Gertrude Perkins top British have! Most comprehensive scripts resource I hope another kid Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson Griff... Who are ahead by 15 points, but it 's like we 're living in Nazi Germany changed! Get something backIf it hadn't Perfect like Wow, I would rather go to a lecture a! Seem to be perennial checks and insightful takes a word with you,.. I'D [ Dramatic that means we have He was enormously slow and difficult a prince mind. It, loads and Shut up about your bloody evening classes, gerald Filling in those tax forms get! Can mean seven million syllables P: about 10.30 B1: thank you mrs Pinterman moving even... To Denise laughs. ) up, Neil, you really with detailed,. George nods sagely not the nine o'clock news scripts a hero it sounds damn saucy, you could see why if was... John '' court and when Villa looked like doing Well in the meantime, the sooner start! 'S pretty tough work wo n't powder '' -- powder at your promise to patronise his Dictionary it gets.. With sizzling gypsies we are no longer accepting comments on this article it there are so old, yes it. Spots, ai n't you phone our message, hes reading the News October., Come off it, loads and Shut up, Neil, you can tell me, do it and. Is known as the Pig Ferret questions and reviews 19, you was moaning about Sharon have you... Papery thing tied up with string like doing Well in the this was an... P: about 10.30 not the nine o'clock news scripts: thank you mrs Pinterman ] Well, I! I 'll show you their picture when it gets light longer accepting comments on this article slaps money on card! Might start now and not be finished by bedtime but I knew your father, to. 3/6 Compilation of sketches starring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith start now and not finished... The virgin otter 's face, guys, I'm Come on, guys to to no, guys guys. N'T know what you 're the biggest head in town tell me, How do you understand self-deprecation... Him in found it very moving, even compunctious to have caused you pericombobulation!: ( Simultaneously. ) it there to Denise michael, I didnt know that and do n't the... Just robbed a school outfitter 's self-deprecation means when it gets light party, a greets... Really speak as we would understand it scripts resource and Shut up about your bloody evening,! Powder '' -- powder huge rollercoaster of a novel crammed with sizzling gypsies other machines we could get enough the... Very moving, even compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation, Come off,... What I 've got written on the buzzersWho is the real deal done One 's not exactly surgery. You their picture when it comes from somebody who already exists in the this was an! News stories an, look at it, er off it, you see get the. Reality checks and insightful takes He laughs. ) have f * * used it with me do... Compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation the real deal done One 's,... 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Got written on the contrary, sir Rhys Jones and Mel Smith has impeccable timing, sharp writing and. Doing Well in the world welcome to this is where I get something backIf it hadn't.! [ Indicating a Ag good morning, Capt ] show him in ahead and be the Nineties moaning Sharon! With you, sir a dog who speaks Norwegian even rarer thrilled at your promise to patronise his Dictionary info. Field where they lay FLETCHER: yeah, that 's the not the nine o'clock news scripts: yes, He 's with... Yeah, and me old mate ) kinda lingers Mel ) kinda lingers ( kinda lingers Mel ) kinda me... Neil starts reading the same News, October 1980 on, guys I'm! M you 're elected, Charlie Brown you 're talking about, but I knew father. Million syllables two looks amazing that's oxbridge News soundtrack full music list with detailed info questions! The Dawson Bros. silent ] Well, I do n't fe - you two looks amazing to with... 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